What does Freedom mean to me?
And also what your mother, sisters, female friends or partners may have in their minds
I always plan before going out alone anywhere, even Nearby.
Yes, P-L-A-N.
I always plan which street or route I will take, which bus or train I will board, if I can somehow find someone to accompany me to my destination or if my male cousins can drop me. I also check if the buses arrive on time or not or if there is any call for bandh by some local unions so that I don’t get stuck in some place alone after departing from my home. I also check the reputation of my destination. Whenever I book private taxi services, I check the ratings of my taxi driver. And when my vehicle arrives, I switched on my GPS so that the correct route is followed. I also make sure that my mobile is fully charged while going out somewhere.
Next comes what I will wear. If I travel alone, I always ask myself if the dress I am wearing is covered enough? Will it make me as inconspicuous as possible from the sexual predators though it doesn’t matter much to them?
And lastly, I make sure I take some tools to defend myself. Sometimes, I feel like I am going to war.
After my work in a particular area is over, I have to plan again. I study my surroundings and check for any “red flags” in that area. If it is my regular route of travel, I try my best to stick to that route. If the vehicle I boarded takes a different turn owing to traffic or road blockage, panic mode gets switched ON. I check my GPS. Is the route safe? Am I going to reach home soon before it gets too dark?
If we have a girls get-together, we always make sure at the end of the meet that each one of us reach home safe and sound and remind each other before parting to drop a message after reaching home confirming the same.
This has become like a daily routine for me. These days such planning comes quite naturally to me. My brain is wired to take note of any red flags in my journey or a person. I can’t relax if I travel alone because I am responsible for my safety. It leaves me mentally exhausted at the end of the day.
I can say that this is also the sequence of thoughts most of the girls have out there when they venture out alone that they don’t even notice that it has become a norm for them especially if they are from a country that has the highest crime rates against women.
What thoughts disturb a girl generally?
When a girl travels alone or works in an environment surrounded by male staff, a tiny fear of being taken advantage of is always there at the back of her mind. There is this constant paranoia of being followed and the need to be alert on all levels. The news reports of some sexual predators getting off scot-free make her wary of male strangers. If kept unchecked, the perpetual fear seeps insidiously over time and hampers her ability to connect with male people. A helping hand from a male person might be misconstrued as a sinister move and might be rejected rudely. An innocent person might get wrongly accused of misconduct. And the girl might be blamed for being a misandrist.
With the people in power turning a blind eye to crimes against women and handling such cases with the least concern, the sexual predators are having a field day. And with the pandemic induced lockdown last year as well as this year, the crimes against women in the world didn’t diminish but rather exacerbated by shifting to indoors with the victims having nowhere to run as reported by this WHO article.
The deep-rooted patriarchy, the misogynistic attitude and the false sense of being the “Alpha” gender of all genders by some men in society prevent the lawmakers, again mostly men to make stringent laws and impart harsher punishments to the perpetrators of such crimes. Also, the success of a woman emasculates some men so they find ways to repress them in some way or other and many resorts to violent assaults to “show a woman their place”. Also, there are some women who put restrictions on other women or perpetrate crimes against their own folk owing to classic patriarchy. Classic Patriarchy is common in my country, India where girls are married off to a household headed by their husband’s father. In this system, the women of the household are subordinate to men and the daughter-in-law is subordinate to the senior women or mother-in-law. Thus, the senior women rule over their daughter-in-law and harbour a false sense of authority inside the four walls of the house because that is the only way they can feel powerful as they are themselves oppressed by patriarchy too. This concept comes under patriarchal bargaining, a term coined by Turkish author and researcher Deniz Kandiyoti in her 1988 article, “Bargaining with Patriarchy”.
As Wikipedia explains,
“In classic patriarchy the women’s conventional navigation of patriarchy follows a cyclical pattern of patriarchal bargaining, a woman enters her husband’s domain where she is subordinate to all men, and her mother-in-law. Producing male offspring and securing their enduring loyalty is paramount to the life-long project of gaining security, safety, and authority over her daughters-in-law. The patriarchal bargain of sustained ‘submissiveness and propriety” made over the course of her life produces rewards in the form of authority, affection, and approval.”
The reporting of crimes and filing FIRs in a police station also comes with its own set of problems. In many sexual assault cases, the victims are asked to describe the scene at length without considering their mental health or asked for proof and in certain cases against influential persons, the charges are mostly dropped. The victims are judged for going out late at night or becoming intoxicated or wearing “revealing” dresses. Because of lack of proof, most groping incidents are generally not reported and the abusers go on a groping spree with no one to bring them to book. Such people target their victims mostly on crowded buses where people are almost squeezed against one another or in a noisy area where a call for help will mostly go unanswered. Groping incidents have become so common nowadays that it gets almost nil importance under sexual assault cases and the victims have to come to terms with it. The reporting is limited to sharing the information with parents or near ones with no deliverance of justice in many cases. It scars a victim for life. It makes them feel humiliated and the memory haunts them for eternity. Children are the worst sufferers of any type of sexual assault case because they lack the vocabulary to describe it and are too scared to even mention it.
When an accused is indicted of sexual assault, it is always discussed to what extent an act will come under “sexual assault” or “minimal offense” with just up to 1 year of jail term in some cases, giving the perpetrator another chance to live up to his name again. Loopholes in justice system is often taken advantage of by powerful lawyers to defend their accused clients. Delays in imparting justice add salt to the grave wound inflicted upon the victims. The state of mind of the victims or the victim’s family is never taken into consideration. And the only thing people asking for justice can do is to hold placards condemning the system or to take part in candle march. The utter helplessness in the whole situation is frustrating to the very core.
Even if a survivor gets justice, the stigma stays for life. And for a girl, it’s worse. She will be taunted by “Some” for being irresponsible and that she brought this upon herself.
What is the solution to this perennial problem faced by women?
“Treat the symptoms not the cause” — That’s what is followed in the society currently.
Women are asked to learn self-defence, carry a pepper spray, quicken their pace in deserted areas, stick to the route, have a male saviour accompany them and return home as early as possible. And more importantly, wear “less revealing” clothes. Women are asked to put shackles on their own feet to protect their sanctity from some vile men instead of the other way round.
While men are not told to shed their toxic masculinity and respect a woman’s wishes at all cost. Violation of a women’s body and belittling or mansplaining them gives a sense of satisfaction in some men and feeds their male ego.
Until and unless the society discards the regressive thoughts and stops imparting such knowledge to their children and work together to create an environment where not only gender equality but also equity is practiced and promoted, the crime rates against women will remain a status quo forever.
What is freedom to me?
The moment a girl child is born, parents try to put as many protective layers as possible around them. So, even if a girl is born free, there are limits to her freedom. She is expected to fit the traits of her gender — submissive and gentle. A deviation from it brings a blot to her character. A girl could not just go and return home anytime they want, roam freely without any worry and breathe to the fullest. “Days and time are bad, be careful,” a mother would remind her daughter constantly. Sometimes Parents with a progressive mindset yield to the followed rules of society by pressurizing their daughters for marriage when they reach marriageable age. They clip the ambitions of their daughter and such daughters may sometimes end up getting married to a household with regressive beliefs.
If every woman in this world pens their accounts of assault or bondage, they will be accused of plagiarism. Because most of the stories will be more or less the same. Under every account of such shocking revelations or stories shared, we always find a comment “Me too”. The two words sum up the muffled cries of many women for help, their countless weeps at night and their intense desire to bring their abusers to book.
Thus, emancipation from all these only will render a girl truly free. Let no women cry in shadows or corners.
The day when I can walk with no roving eyes following me and with no negative thoughts of being mobbed or harassed and when men will allow me to rise to my full potential without begrudging my achievements is the day when I will feel completely free.
And as said by Nelson Mandela,
“For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others”.
Credits: Rumi Sonowal
